Canadian Cars

I must confess to a certain malaise when it comes to putting out this week's column. Quite simply, I've come down with a pretty bad case of Olympic Ebola, and I'm finding it hard to come up with anything interesting to say about cars. Between Bilodeau's jinx-busting first gold on home soil, hometown hero Maelle Ricker's (once a classmate of my wife's) thorough domination of the field, and the perfection of that first goal from Jarome Iginla, I've got it bad.

Not good for my readership prospects this week then, if even I'm not interested in cars this week; I, who have found myself explaining the inner mysteries of how a clutch works to the entire partry of dinner guests, each of them with the same glazed look on their faces like they just got hit with a lithium-filled blowdart.

Still, my editor relies each week on my small contribution to be tucked away at the back of the paper, filling the weird spaces around ads for lube-oil-and-filter specials, and who am I to disappoint? Also, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and there's nothing new to watch anyway.

Admidst all this Olympic patriotic fervour, it's easy to be a proud Canadian. Yes, we are admittedly deferent and polite nation, and yes, we pride ourselves on a tradition of sportsmanship and fair play, and there's nothing quite like a little winter sports competition to get the (maple) sap rising and the blood boiling. So, I'm certainly proud to be a Canadian when I see the Olympic Women's Hockey team trounce their opponents, but then even prouder when the crowd gives the opposing team a standing ovation.

That's part of what makes us Canadian, that and the fact that Canada's really big, and we have a terrible/amazing healthcare system, depending whom you talk to. But what of our cars?

Oh yes, don't be fooled into thinking that Canada's just the same as our southerly neighbours when it comes to our transportation choices. For one thing, we pinch pennies so hard you can hear the Queen shriek.

Best-selling cars in the USA? The Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord. Best-selling cars in the Great White North? The Honda Civic and the Toyota Corolla. We're not going to accept anything of lesser quality than our revolutionary neighbours, but we just don't need quite as much of it.

I'm going to borrow a Russell Peters bit here, and say that when a Canadian hears themselves being described as cheap, they say, “Thank you.” We're not being polite, we just choose to interpret the word differently. “No, no no. He pronounced it, 'cheap', but what he was really saying was 'smart'.”

That's why we get cars you get nowhere else in the world. Companies like Acura take a look at the Canadian market and realize that there's no way in hell we're going to fork over the dough for a great big RL, so they'd better make a Honda Civic with leather seats. Their 1.6 and 1.7 EL and the CSX aren't sold anywhere except Canada, and over here they sell like igloo-shaped Eggos.

In Canada, you can buy a Mercedes B-Class with a four-cylinder engine for under thirty grand. You can also step up to the C-Class without breaking the bank by getting a C230 with a smaller V6 not available in US offerings.

We're not just interested in cheap luxury either. Inexpensive cars like the Hyundai Pony weren't expected to sell more than 5,000 units a year. In Canada, Hyundai sold 50,000 Ponies in 1984 to take the best-seller title, and one need only look at the upswing in sales from Hyundai and Kia to see the trend continuing. Toyota's tiny Echo hatchback was also a Canuck-only favourite whose success paved the way for the Yaris, the Nissan Versa and the Honda Fit. We got the Smart Car here long before it was available Stateside. Why? Because we're “smart”.

Our money may look like it came out of the Monopoly box, but just try prising it out of our hands. It's why our average period of ownership is around seven years, about double that of the US. We spend a great deal more time researching our purchases, and we tend to drive them until the wheels fall off.

Which brings me to the Automotive Journalist Association of Canada's pick for their Canadian Car of the Year award. Down south, they might be making snide comments about the best choice being a snowmobile or a moose on rollerskates, but I think the pick this year is particularly great as a car that embodies Canadian-ness.

It's the 2010 Volkswagen GTI, and it might not be the cheapest car out there, but it's certainly got the highest rate-of-return for smiles per dollar. The perennial hot-hatchback beat out supercars like the Porsche Panamera Turbo and muscle like the Chevrolet Camaro, despite having buch less power and being front-wheel-drive.

So the underdog won. How Canadian. But it's easy to see why, as the little VW is a little terrier in the corners with its fizzy four-pot turbo and the excellent DSG dual-clutch gearbox. It's also quite conservative to look at from the exterior, but there's a little tartan flavour on the inside, a little zip hidden behind a plain exterior.

It's a great car to represent the Canadian driver: heck, it's even an immigrant. For choice, I think it'd look best in red, or white with a big maple leaf on the hood.

Oh, who am I kidding? The only colour we're all interested in these days is gold, eh?